A little peak inside my life

  I don't have many things in my life I am proud of, So the few things that I have accomplished I hold dear to my heart. The 2 most most important things in my life are my kids, the are my miracles I thank God every day for them. I have been published twice for my poetry and have won four editors choice awards.  I wish I had more to be proud of, I really do but I seem to be better at making mistakes then anything else.
  I can't say that I really have any regrets only because that would be saying I regret some of the best things that happened to me. I admit I made some wrong decisions and have done things I shouldn't have, but I hold no regrets. 
  I think there is something wrong with me that make people mainly men want to hurt me, emotionally, physically,mentally and every other way possible other wise why would they want to all the time. I think if there wasn't something wrong with me then I would always end up in the same relationships. I really am tired of being hurt and I pray that I can finally find love, true love someone who will love me for who I am and not try to force me to be who they want me to be. 
  There are so many things that makes me, me.  From my personality, to my fetishes, to needing discipline in my life, basically needing to be saved from myself. So much seems to be missing right now and I feel so lost. I feel myself drifting away and going through the motions of life but not really living it. I don't feel like I'm who I'm suppose to be, but I'm afraid to be anyone else. I keep running with no where to go, I keep hoping I will figure out where I am suppose to go, where I belong.