Inside guilt

  So I did something so stupid and I am disappointed in myself, I know it was wrong and I not only left myself down but others that love me as well.  I went to someone that I thought would be disappointed but would also give me the discipline I needed, I knew I deserved whatever punishment I received.  I made the dreaded text to call when he was free and a few hours later I received a Skype call asking what I had done, I grudgingly told him only to discover someone else was there which bothered me as I was embarrassed and upset enough, but to get off topic talk about other things and have the other person get upset for no reason so he had to rush off and never return my call. Then find out later all that he had to say was "everyone deserves a second chance" I usually agree with that statement if it is a first time event, however it wasn't, I have been battling my weakness for a long time and was doing better. I felt rejected and as though he didn't care, I know that may not be true but he simply has more important things to do than deal with my days in and days out of break downs and mood swings or trying to figure out if I'm really OK or just saying I am. I am a fairly closed off person as I want to be to ensure nobody gets too close.  I hate feeling rejected, I really was hoping he would punish me to at ease the feeling of guilt and help me forgive myself .  
  I decided to finally tell him how I was feeling, strait forward and honest. I wasn't rude or mean just wrote how I felt. I am still waiting on a reply, not that will help or he will care but I felt I needed to tell him. I tend to care to much what others think. I love to easily and forgive to fast. I guess it's just part of who I am.